A mother's letter

It's been a lil while since I have last checked in but I really enjoyed writing Harlow a letter... It almost felt to me as she could really hear me.. I felt closer to her in a way, so I may be writing her more letters from now on...

"Hi my love,

It's been a little while since I last wrote you. I was driving home today and I just kinda though of you- not that I don't constantly think of you! :) Life has been crazy lately and I have picking up the pieces... Losing you, as I have said so many times before was the most painful thing I have ever went through. You are my precious jewel and will live in my heart forever.

Your first birthday was just a couple months ago... While most parents prepare their children's first birthday party with themes, food, costumes and balloons, I got to go visit your lil plaque. We had put a lil plaque in memory of you. I sat on the bench by it for about one hour or so; I wanted to stay longer but it was just too painful. I constantly wonder what a wonderful litlle lady you are becoming up in heaven. There are so many things I wanna tell you and so many things I wish I could show you but you and I both know life doesn't quite work the way we want it to be.

I spend some time looking at pictures today of what a wonderful life I have had so far and of all the experiences, none of them compare to giving birth to you. It is such am incredible feeling to be able to "bake"a little human inside of your tummy.. Watch it grow daily... Feel all the motions, moves and warmth that a baby brings. I guess that is what makes me still feel like I am a mother to you- even though I only held you for a day...

Things have been changing quite a bit for me lately. Most professionatly so I won't bore you with details- I am pretty sure you get to play tons in Heaven. I would love if you would write down your experiences so that one day we can share them...It's the weirdest feeling in the world but I have never been the same after you left me. My heart has yet not healed completely and to be quite honest lil angel, I'm not even sure if it ever will. But I know one day we will meet again and the happiest day of my life will be when I get to have you in my arms.

I did wanted to tell you I got a little puppy dog. His name is Sebastian. He is super adorable- it helps me fill the void a bit from not having you here. My love life has been non-existent lately and it seems like it's going to be a WHILE before I can give you a baby sister or brother. Meanwhile I just keep busy with work and all this dreams I have for me and for you my daughter. I hope that you are recieving all the guidence you need and that you are growning up to be a fine little lady with manners, respect for others and most importantly lots of love in your heart.

Remember, you DO have a mommy, she just can be close to you right now but please know you can reach out to me any time you need me. I will always be here for you my lovely angel.

Love Mom"