One of the reasons I dream of being a mother is so that I can share life with my child empowering them to become incredible human beings who are responsible for the changes we all wish to see in this great big world. I feel this so strong that somehow keeping this blog alive in Harlow's memory makes me feel closer to her; that giving others words somehow keeps me connected to my little angel. I feel as if she somehow can read and/or hear through the words written here how much I love her and how much I wish she was still here with me. Harlow made me a mom and I daily see those traits. As I work with little ones, I'm so often reminded of her. I feel a responsibility in carrying for children's well being and development even stronger than I felt before. I've always known I've had a mother's heart but having Harlow has certainly enhanced those feelings within me. The more I work with children the more I realize the importance of what they represent to the world.
I recently engaged in a conversation with a friend and parent. I was sort of sharing my feelings and thoughts about reasons why people have children. I came up with 3 main reasons (in my opinion).
Couples sometimes decide to have children somewhat due to what society determines. Once you are married, you are supposed to start a family right?! That, at times just feels like the right thing to do. Procreation- the reason a man and a woman come together in marriage and a way they share and express their love towards one another.
Then there are the ones who have children as a selfish act. "I want a child to love. To have, to share and to receive the love I have never gotten from my parents" or something kind of like that. The ones who are "all about me", "my child", "my family".... I guess you can get the point here?!
I do believe strongly we were designed to procreate. but beyond that I believe there is a greater power and a greater responsibility in having children. It is a believe in a better world... in the cure for cancer, HIV and many more... Is the hope and faith in a better world. It may seem a little utopic and I AM an idealist- I believe in all those things I just wrote about. When someone says to me "I don't care/ or it's not my problem- that's not MY child" I feel like jumping on their necks. It IS our responsibility. Children will become what we shape them into- and we are people designed to live in community with one another and children are the most beautiful expression of that. Children know how to love, they don't discriminate, they are honest, and real, and kind. Children are the greatest creation, the miracle of life and the hope for the future.
Harlow was unplanned but NEVER she was unwanted. And I want her to know this daily. Two years ago I conquered the biggest challenge of my life. I was blessed with the greatest, most empowering and most life changing experience in my entire life. I gave birth to the most precious little itty bitty thing I have ever laid my eyes on... and that triggered in me a passion for children and for the future like I have never felt before. I am daily grateful I was blessed with the gift of giving birth and if you ask me if I would do it again, my response would be: ABSOLUTELY!! Nothing compares to giving birth and I pray God grants me the ability to do it again and most importantly that He continues to shape me into the mother I dream of becoming!! My life will certainly never be the same and I am so beyond grateful- Harlow has changed the course of my story and I am exited to one day meet with her again... but I know, my story here is not yet finished... I will never forget that little face, or the kicks in my belly, or how happy I felt that day I found out I was pregnant but I know there is a reason to everything in this world and I would love to share that Harlow's life was NOT in vain!!!!!!! I love my baby girl- and she will forever live in my heart... Happy 2 years old my angel.......
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